BLUE

when things go wrong and you feel blue..when everyone around you oppose you for everything you do..when you feel suffocated..when your thoughts are being murdered by your own loved ones..when you are not free to give your own ideas..and people become deaf when you speak..when you don't find peace in anything you do..what is the last thing you can think about when you get tired of proving yourself..?? when you feel a big rage inside you and it can't come out..you're silent..also you feel scared..insecurities..what if the most important person in your life turns her back to you when you need her the most..?? and also she is the only person in your life you look upon and to discuss your problems with.. I know how it feels.. It feels PATHETIC..!!
It's been a long time now thinking of others all the time..want to move ahead in life..do something..achieve something..will i be able to reach there??? I know the fruits that i want are growing on the highest branch of the tree and the tree itself is very big.. I try to climb it..have fallen almost every time i climb, and even got cuts and wounds..but still i'm going to reach there one day...and will eat that most ripe and sweet fruit of the tree which i always wanted to climb... 

Cherish what you have 

Experimenting Within

All i can do is to guide your fingers to the door
ways to my shattered heart,
so you can feel it too
the ocean that travels with me;
how it gathers and breaks,
gathers and breaks...

i have no idea where i'm leading to...where i'll reach..no matter what i do, where i go, still i'll be judged by those things which i want to bury somewhere very deep inside..i hate to be surrounded by people..i don't want to be judged by my past cos i don't dwell there anymore..i somehow try to gather all the strength but people at once crush that accumulated strength and i once again get shattered..
thinking back i recall events i wish i could change, tears i wish had never been shed, time that could have been better spent, and frustrations i could have shrugged off..
Life, it seems, is full of regret, and i yearned to turn back the clock so i could live parts of my life over again..It gets really tough at times to recollect that shattered strength and stand once again and face people's faces...their eyes do all the talking and what they actually speak is not what they mean...there was a time when i felt like living again and again..

God i feel so low
and i fear to show
no matter where i go...

I know, sometimes things do go wrong...i just want to be strong and always learn form the mistakes i do, as everyone of us sometimes learns...all i want to say that don't give up on life, it is meant to teach us many things...for there is sadness that's why we cherish happiness...there is evil that's why we encourage good things...there's always a lot more to learn than too judge others...no one is perfect and will never be...respect the differences in others and don't wish them to be like you...we already have a big task to do and that is to find the hidden treasures from which we are bestowed with...and those hidden treasures you can find no where but only deep inside yourself...start digging yourself cos no one knows what you may get..it may be near when it seems so far..Our soul is the one and only master of us and it works on what we think..The thoughts flow in our mind like an uncontrollable ocean..we should give our thoughts a way, a direction to move on and to make best use of them...Most of the time in a day we keep wondering in our past not knowing that we are ruining our present in which we actually live...Just because that past is true and we have been through that doesn't means that we will ruin our this very moment which will be a past moment in the future...do we really want to regret in the end for wasting our life brooding about the past and judging others...?????

paradoxes...!! how can one ever explain what paradoxes are....may be it is to be kept struck in the thoughts of "to do" or "not to do"..."to believe" or "not to believe"....man is a thinking being...and he keeps thinking whole day long...what we actually need is to stop thinking for once and implement all those things which we could never do just because of the fear of "others" or just because of being in the middle of "to do" or "not to do"...or may be because one thinks that it is too late to start...what we should not do is follow the rules made my man...make your own rules and forget others because it doesn't matter...what really matters is that one should follow his own heart who is shouting all the time but we don't lend our ears to it...i feel pity at times...i don't know whether to run behind material things or to listen to what my soul speaks to me...this society teaches us not to suppress others but it does suppresses me to live free...i don't understand why it seems impossible to everyone to feel contended with what they have...we are the one who makes a society and frame the so called laws...what is the use of such laws when they are not implemented...we all know that bad things do happen but to close our eyes and not looking at those bad sectors doesn't mean that it won't happen with us...!!! My mind is sooooo confused after seeing this multi-faced world, what to believe and what not to believe...everything is contradictory...whether it be anything...why can't we just live for ourselves and STOP worrying about what our neighbor does ..each and every person has some or the other problem in his/her life...best things in this universe are meant to be felt and we cannot ever see them...whether it be fear, excitement, love, nervousness, happiness....all are meant to be felt and not to be seen...i'm glad that I know what sadness is, just because of that i cherish my happiness....i'm not upset about it...nor i curse God that why only me...there are many many many more like me...i'm certainly not alone...people say that one should learn to be diplomatic...why ?????????...this is what a paradox is...being a person completely opposite to what we are...!!!! does your heart shouts to speak up ???? don't you feel irritated many times ???? sometimes i do close my eyes and think what am i doing in this world ???? do you also feel the same ?? irritated???? exhausted???? frustrated???? hmmmmmm.... i find myself with no answers...i'm standing at the origin...don't know which direction to take....whom to listen...whom to ask...still confused....fighting with my own thoughts...wish i was not a thinking being, then i would just follow the rules framed by mother nature and  doing things instantly without giving it a second thought...CONFUSED..... 

Be a Zero or Infinity..!!!!!

Human spirit is like a free bird...if kept in a cage it will die not because of hunger but only because of the freedom he/she always longed for.. This is the only reason why Britishers were not tolerated for soooo long.. There is always a limit to which the pressure is handled and is tolerated, but once that limit is crossed, the very same tolerance turns into a big ball of rage which comes out burning and breaking all the bars that are put around... It is a way similar like soda packed in a bottle under very high pressure and even if it is shaken a bit before opening, it comes out with a very large force...


Sometimes, in today's world too, life's of many is much similar like that of the bird kept in a cage and that of a soda packed in the bottle under very high pressure... I know many of you might or might not have felt this feeling...but trust me sometimes it is not the same as before..!!!! But there's always a saturation point to everything in this universe...If that limit is crossed then the patience in you can turn into something which was never done or heard before... Stand up and don't always be a victim...Stop being a sacrificing daughter, a caring sister and a victim of your drunk husband all the time..!!! Because somewhere i feel that in the midst of all this you are losing the most precious friend of yours and that is you yourself.. You are a person who is very much different among all in your family... Remember always, that in crucial times, it is you who have to stand beside yourself and no one else.. You cannot only sit and pray for the things to turn out normal someday on their own, you have to wake up and learn to live for yourself... You have to choose between your past behind and your future ahead which is waiting for you with your open arms to give you a big warm hug....to live, to explore, to be happy...this is what your future wants from you...BUT.... Don't bring this BUT between, it always brings excuses for not doing those things which you really want to and the things which you would have done a long time back... Life is for once, live it.. Your world starts from 'YOU' and will end at 'YOU' itself others are just a part of your life...So please don't make them your life... You have a long way to go from this world to the other world...from this earth to the sky.. Life is to be lived and let others live.
          'Your future is in your hands, you can never blame anyone for it......'

Empty Dream !

Twists n turns..

these ups and downs..
Longing for THE Eternal peace..
Amidst of this loud noise..

I know you are somewhere buried very deep inside. I want to be with you forever and listen to what you speak..
I can sense you every now and then.. Please accept your child..
I know I am very impure for you with all the material trappings around..
But only I on this earth know that i don't have any desires for anything like that..
I want to get melted like an ice cube on a hot summer day and then mix with the mother nature..I want to smell that breeze which brings your love and affection with it..I want to again feel that innocent joy of a child..
I don't know what happiness is, but for me happiness is that feeling when you are around...It is when i see you in the flight of the birds to teach me how to fly high, as a rigid mountain standing with his arms open to hug me..
Please take me in your lap, i want to sleep... I am very tired, all of my strength has gone...
Won't you allow me to rest in peace ??
I am in a place where I always seek you amidst this big loud noise and this big Fake World..This noise seems like knife and weapons... Please take me...i am wounded...